My First Test

Today was my first real test. I can now eat things that are mostly liquid with a little bit of substance. Like apple sauce, yogurt, refried beans. Today my family hosted a Halloween potluck, the entire block smelt delicious. My cousin made stuffed mushrooms and the entire world seemed to be raving about them. I, well I had apple sauce. The old me wanted to eat an entire plate of food and then another and maybe another after that. The old me screamed and kicked, clawing to get out wanting so desperately to gorge myself on the piles of delicious food.

But then the new me stood up. The one that is 20 pounds lighter, she took over. I don't want that. I want to be thinner, to be healthy, to be a new me. I do not want to let what I was, what I used to be take over and ruin this chance, this opportunity to make a better future for myself. I will settle for apple sauce and the chance to be around my loved ones. I didn't miss out on the social experience. If anything I cherished it more, I wasn't so enthralled with what was on my plate.

I passed. I passed my first test. The first time I was surrounded by food and could really feel the woman I used to be straining to take control and fall into the same bad habits. This surgery, it's not always easy but I made the decision now I just have to stick with it, and to be honest the numbers on the scale falling steadily really help keep me on track.